Messy Canvas

I recently read something that I feel has truly changed me. I strongly encourage you to visit Messy Canvas and see for yourself. This amazing Artist, Mandy has totally mapped out the last 6-8 years of my life in a short 42-page eBook. For real. It's legit.

In the last 24 hours, since reading Messy Canvas, an explosion of thoughts and ideas have taken over my head and my heart of hearts. My deepest longings and biggest dreams really don't seem that impossible anymore. Many of which I thought I had let go of, but they've really just been hanging out in the dark and dusty corners of my soul, waiting for the day that they would be unearthed and brought back to life.

In this tremendous eBook, the author writes about a beautiful sunflower growing in her garden. Along with the sunflowers, she had planted zinnias and morning glories. At one point, the strong vines of the morning glories had overtaken one of the tallest, strongest, most beautiful sunflowers in the whole garden. She compared herself to the sunflower, and it's deeply saddening posture: "Great glorious blooms spread out far and wide, but face hidden from the sun, and I felt I could do nothing to raise it. I had potential. I had great dreams. I had passion, but still I was trapped by vines that squeezed my heart and choked my voice. My head was pushed down. My confidence was lacking. Who would want to see my face? It was much too risky to pull it up. I didn't have the energy, the faith, the courage. I'd convinced myself it was far more humble and appropriate to keep my face down and my voice quiet." And then she goes on to talk about how her dad always told her she'd be the first woman president. Don't even get me started on all the things my dad always told me I'd do and I chickened out on... But that's me! I am the sunflower that has been choked out and couldn't lift my head to the sun! It's not too late to do something about it!

I am an Artist. I exemplify this title through the words I write, the things I say, and the music that I have been so blessed to be able to create. I am finding new avenues all the time in which I can pursue the much underestimated title of, Artist.

I am pursuing music through a new means. Piano is shaking something loose that I didn't even know existed in me. I have taught myself a beautiful new worship song, and there is no way to adequately describe the feeling I get when I sit down at the piano, play (okay, more like stumble through) that song, open my mouth and sing the melody along with my own accompaniment. It is something I've dreamed about for many years, and I am finally allowing myself to experience it! While I am just beginning this new musical journey, I honestly already feel something new and fresh happening in my heart.

I have just about decided that I want to finish school and obtain a degree in communications and creative writing. While I haven't the slightest idea what I could do with such a degree, it's something that I feel I must do for myself, for my family, and most importantly for my future as an Artist.

So, while my occupation may be that I am an "Accounting Specialist," my true title is "Artist." And from this day forward I vow to myself and to my long lost dreams, that I will do everything in my power to live out that title and wear it with pride.