Monday, August 13, 2012


A sweet, life-long friend of mine posted this on Facebook today, and I couldn't bear to not share it:

In God's timing He restores everything in ways SO GOOD…you could not dream them up yourself.

How perfect is that? How TRUE is that? We can't even dream how great our God is, or how perfect his plans are. Restoration is a key topic in my life these days. My relationship with my recently divorced husband is being restored. Some days, the process is much slower than I am comfortable with. Some days I find myself frustrated and if I'm the only one interested in rebuilding the relationship with the man I gave myself completely and totally to, almost 4 years ago. The man with whom I stood in front of 250 people and said forever to. I know, forever...something I should've considered before I signed the divorce papers, right? Trust me, I did. Ending my marriage wasn't an easy decision. It was a necessary decision. I've learned, through a series of painful events, that God doesn't always take us down the path we envisioned for ourselves, or even the path that we thought He mapped out so clearly for us.

I remember the way I felt on the day I married Tim. I walked down the aisle, confident and proud. I held my head high. I knew what I was doing, and I was more than ready to do it. We had spent the previous 5 1/2 years building a great relationship. We faced challenges unlike many other young, dating couples. Tim had walked with me down some of the darkest roads I have faced in the entire 26 years I've been on this planet. We had been present for so many of each others failures and successes. I was able to hold his hand as he dealt with the most one of the most painful injuries a person can go through. We carried each other through a lot of new experiences, both good and bad. Naturally, I said “yes” when he knelt down at Lake Hefner and asked me if I loved him enough to spend the rest of my life with him.

He’s a good man. Even through our arguments and disagreements with regard to a divorce, my opinion of him never wavered. He’s not perfect, and neither am I. No one knows better than he and I that it took both of us to get to the breaking point that we reached in March. There was a gigantic hole in our relationship that was a result of both of our shortcomings. I have and will continue to refer to that hole as unhappiness. There was no joy. How are we supposed to live without joy?

The Bible says that the joy of the Lord is our strength. It’s our strength…our reason for living and breathing…and it’s what wakes us up each morning. But it also says in James chapter 1: “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” God knew exactly what He was doing. The trials weren’t meant to harm us, but to test and build our faith, which in turn makes our joy complete.

I want my joy. And I also want the love of my life. Both of our hearts have been softened, and we are on a sometimes slow, sometimes fast track to complete restoration. I will always stand by my decision to file for divorce. If that is what it took to light a fire under each of us, then so be it. No one changes overnight, and no one is perfect. But every now and then, God gifts us with a little extra dose of compassion to shower on the ones we love. Even when we think it’s the last thing they are worthy of, the fact of the matter is they are worthy. If even in all of our sin we are worthy of the Father’s love, then surely we are worthy of each other’s love as well.

For the few people that will see this, I pray that you would pray. Specifically, pray that we would be surrounded with love and support. The challenge of reuniting families is proving to be a difficult task. I think I know better than anyone how NOT EASY this is. It took so much for me to follow through with a divorce…and now to go back on it is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Secondly, I selfishly request that you’d pray for me to not worry. I have spent the last 9 months of my life worrying. Worrying about whether things would work out, worrying about whether my husband would ever figure out how to make me happy, worrying if my parents will let me come stay with them again, worrying about asking my family to help me move for the 4th, 5th, 6th time, worrying about where I’m going to live after my current “option” runs out, worrying about how I’m going to survive until the next payday, worrying about how Tim and I can seamlessly reunite our lives...I have worried about everything. I was blessed to have sat in on a great sermon at my grandmother’s small-town church yesterday, during which the young interim pastor said, “Stop worrying. It’s a sin.” I am desperate to give up my worry. Desperate.

Thank you Lord, for restoration. It’s a beautiful gift that I do not feel deserving of. Please take my worries from me Jesus. I place them all in your care, knowing full well that you will put them all to rest in helping me to focus my heart on you and the future you have for me.

1 comment:

danielle said...

praying. i deal with the same thing.. worry. i feel like worrying is letting the devil steal the joy that God has right there ready for me.